Sunday, December 7, 2008

UNR - Freshman Year

This evening I received a text message from a friend I made in my UNR days. It stated, "I just saw a car with the license plate that said GOPENS." If anyone recalls Danielle, the RA on the first floor of Manzanita Hall, was a huge Penguins fan and she, too, had a GO PENS! sign, in which my bastard ass would graffiti it to read something like this, "GO PENiS!" Hey, I said I was a bastard already; an 18 year old one that was living in Reno, far away from her parents (and any sort of authority figure for that matter).

Thinking of this ridiculousness reminded me of how amazing my freshman year of college was. It was a strange, thrilling thing. We were a pretty tight knot group in Manzanita-Juniper Hall circa 2000-2001, we even called it "As the Dorm Turns" or ATDT for short because of the constant drama that ensues when you house young men and women in close quarters, then throw hormones in to the mix. So, I decided to write a blog and get nostalgic on this very pivotal year of my life! I don't even recall classes that much, mostly since I slept through all of them (and had to retake them during the summer), except that lame Environmental Science course I took with Julila who insisted on pounding on my door until I opened it-I never really slept through it, I just "pretended" to be a heavy sleeper (usually I was just nursing an intense hang-over).

Here is a list of some of the HIGHLIGHTS of that year:

Sorority Hoes – never did I know TPing a dorm room would be considered a FIRE HAZARD.

Underage gambling – it's more fun than it seems and you run like hell when you actually win more than 2 quarters.

Happy Hooker Hunting – Being 18/19 in Reno, it's just what you do, and as the "dorm man" often reminded us (not from experience) that "real" prostitutes don't have all of their teeth.

Shopping carts – you can push Saul's skinny ass through the halls or push one into the center of Manzanita Lake (sess-pool).

Domino's Pizza – Who still has advantage cash?

The Dick – it was there three times a day, except on Sundays!

Lydia and her Cocoa Puff – it only took Julila how long to figure out what "that" sound was.

Suck it, JJ – because Dorm Probation does exist.

The fucking Ducks – Seriously, they are loud, foul smelling asses and apparently geese.

The Tent Crew – Thanks for calling the cops on us Danielle, you cunt.

Your Mom – who didn't sleep with that big, white hairy assed lady?

Lounge Sleeper – Haha! He was bunked up with that weird redneck, confederate flag toting kid.

The Red Hot Chile Peppers – Viva Chile Merde! Exchange students are so bad ass.

Dead Man…zanita Lake – I will never forget the day the pulled that bloated body out of the water!

Vote No on Fountain 2 – strangely after the shopping cart on frozen Dead Man…zanita Lake, they installed that crappy fountain which keeps what circulating and unable to freeze.

24 Hour Shut the FUCK Up Hall – who decided it was a grand idea to put my loud ass in a 24 hour quiet hall, honor's dorm?

My Mormon Roommate and her stinky boyfriend – boy did I make a huge fuss about this! I still don't understand why he was so upset when he woke up while I was Febreezing him.

The Wall of Shame – it included all of my parking tickets, dorm write ups, random acts of klepto-ism, and all the other sorts of ridiculousness that I deemed to be worthy. Then I had to take down the "Wall of Shame" because I was ridiculing dorm authority. I just moved it in to the confines of room 304 where we mocked it was in hiding.

Pack in the WAC, bitch! We were the WolfPACK in the Western Athletic Conference! Somehow, this became our Motto!

Ding 'Em – aka Aaron, looking in to Nye Hall with binoculars and telling us he saw "menageries."

Squirrel Island – how did the squirrels even get there?

Mike – Yes, the blind kid who was super mean. Whatever happened to him?

These were the best days of our lives. When life was simple and all the basic needs were provided. We had meal plans, dorms, and people who were 21 at our needs!

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