Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dear Cheating Asshole (see also: My sister's husband)


Way to be an insensitive prick. How dare you allow your new girlfriend to post pictures and write things like how wonderful you are.

Wonderful people DON'T cheat on their spouses and lie about it. You should have stood up when you started feeling that your relationship wasn't making you happy, but no, you were a huge pussy.

Do you really enjoy fucking someone who looks like your mother and acts like a 12 year old? Rubbing it in my sister's face!

What did my sister EVER do to her for her to treat her with such blatant disregard.

My sister's not perfect and neither are you. You failed to be honest with her about your feelings. I've stayed out of this. I haven't contacted you. I haven't written you. This isn't my battle to fight, but this is someone you spent 11 years with and built a life with. You are letting someone you've been sleeping with (for what 6 months) do this emotionally to my sister.

If you ever loved her and I don't doubt that you did and still do on some level, then you would not let Kari be so blatantly, rub-it-in-your face disrespectful. But, the fact that you are such a pussy and couldn't tell Barbie how unhappy you were for so long, I am pretty sure you cannot tell your new Mom (I mean, girlfriend) to be nice and stay out of business that isn't hers.

This is your life, but think about your actions. Think about your feelings and her feelings. You are looking like a real grade A asshole.


Monday, June 8, 2009

Dear Home Wrecker

Dear Fellow Home Wrecker,

Yes, this is directed to you. You know who you are. You're the whore who is gallivanting around with my sister's husband. Posting pictures of the two of you kissing. You are a grown-ass woman. Yes, GROWN. Please act like one and be sensitive to someone else's feelings and broken heart. You are a woman after all.

Think about this, you are married for 4 1/2 years to your high school sweet heart. You have spent 11 years together. Then randomly, one day he comes home and calls it quits. And you are left baffled. You try to contact your husband over and over. You text, you call. No response. None of your so-called mutual friends know what is going on and everyone who knows the two of you are in shock.

So, in a moment of desperation and insanity, you hack his email and reset his MySpace password because something isn't sitting right with you. And guess what she finds? A letter to you about how much he likes to hang out with you, but he doesn't want to commit (shocker). He spent 11 years with one person. He's gonna want to play the field (I can't blame him, I would, too). If you think he is ready to buckle down, you are out of your mind.

Here's a clue. Men like any women that give them any sort of attention. Right now, you are a warm body and a place for him to throw his bone. Men are assholes, all of them. Especially, the one's who cheat and cannot own up to it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Take it from one who knows (me, specifically).

He's a dog. He cheated on my sister and he couldn't own up to it. He couldn't give her an answer. Good luck with a 26 year old boy that is nothing better than a big, floppy, gaping pussy. That is what you have inherited and congrats on being a rebound.

I know a thing or two about "married men." I've been with 4 of them myself. So, you can call me a home wrecking whore, too. It takes on to know one, after all. But the difference between you and me, is that I was NEVER stupid enough to post pictures of me and these men and I NEVER would. You are 32 years old? Why do you want this drama? Are you really that insecure and heartless? You must be really proud of yourself. Enjoy my sister's sloppy seconds, bitch. Enjoy.

All the best in your new relationship,


PS: God forbid we meet in person. In the words of Poe, "You can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being." Just ask your new "love," he'll tell you about how crazy me and my family are. Don't fuck with Mullen girls, we are a rare breed. Consider yourself warned.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Short hatius...

Hey Everyone,

I probably won't update my blog for a while! I started my LAST class of my MBA program and it may in FACT be the DEATH of me... I am nervous. I have to write an entire Business Plan and present it... by MYSELF. (I are scared, but I know I can do it.) This project will take much of my time over the next 5 weeks, so I need to focus, focus, focus!

This Saturday is the actual graduation ceremony. I found the perfect dress. Today after work I pick up my robe, cords, hood, and cap! I cannot believe how almost DONE I am. I really just did "jazz hands" writing that!

So, as much as I love to write and let everyone "kinda" know what is going on in my crazy little head, I have to buckle the EFFE down and keep my eye on the prize. I have senioritis (is it even called that in Grad School?). You know what I mean...

Just know that I will have fun stories and much to update you on... I also have to give MAJOR KUDOS to my doctor who wrote me prescription for almighty Xanax. I've only been on it for a day, but the tension in my shoulders has melted away and I am not feeling overly stressed and on edge! Thanks Doc! <3

Kisses and hugs... I will be back before you know it!

Jessica (see also: Swallows, Goose, Whoresica, Ica...)

PS: If you haven't read "Eat. Pray. Love." yet, get on it. This book is also a HUGE distraction for me. I don't want to put it down. So, while you cannot read my inner thoughts, you can share what I am reading in my leisure time!