Workin' on my fitness!

I've hit the gym hardcore. I go 5 times a week. Don't stress, I am not killing myself and I am not being unhealthy either.

I do three Body Pump classes a week (Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, I do 30-45 minutes of treadmill cardio before each class). On Monday and Friday, I do cardio 30-45 minutes of treadmill work plus abs, I think I am goning to add arms soon, once I am more in shape and can handle the intensity. (FYI: My arms are my least favorite body part...damn you, granny flaps).

I am eating 1500 calories or so a day. I am feeling great. After two weeks on this kick I am already down 9 lbs. I am stoked that I found my motivation again. Hell, if you want something go out and get it.

I was inspired by Losing It With Jillian. I can do this and right now I have nothing, but time on my hands. This is something that makes me feel good. It relieves stress and makes me feel strong and proud.

I want to lose about 50 lbs more, then slow take off the last 30.
I am pretty jazzed about this... Bye-Bye post surgery weight!

On a last and final note, gaining weight is a lot easier and way more enjoyable!

Get on the ball...

I am getting back to what's good for me.
I have reached the point in my life where "Enough is enough."
For the first time in FOREVER I am feeling legitimately hopeful.
I think it takes feeling like complete and utter shit to initiate a change.
I am going to ride this good vibe bus as long as I can.
We all know that I get what I want.
Eye on the prize.
No day but today.
I cannot wait.
The future starts now.

TIME. TO. WORK. IT. OUT.

I crave...

Love.
Passion.
Change.
Cupcakes.
Kittens.
Excitement.
Adventure.
Passion.
Purpose.
Belonging.
Attention.
Laughter.
Belonging.

I just feel so misplaced in my life.
I find myself constantly asking, "Why is this my life?" "How is THIS my life?"
Somewhere I feel I went wrong.
That the karmic circle has dealt me a bad hand to play.
But a circle never ends. It keeps spinning.
It will turn to the good, again.

I just seek security, stability, happiness, wholeness, and purpose.
I feel I am lacking all of these key ingredients in my life.
I want more.
I want to feel like I am a part of something bigger. Something that matters. Something that makes a difference. Something that will feed my soul.

Life is so crazy random. It's a fucking circus. Sometimes I am center ring, other times I am a side show act. We all have our parts, our moments... I want my turn in the sun. I want my spotlight. I want my desires. I want happy.