Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Britney Spears, I'd put it in you.

OMG. Really.Omigod. I love her. I just do. Brit-Brit and I have been in a love affair that has carried on for over a decade now. Today being her 27th birthday, it only seems fit that I declare my devotion for Ms. Britney Jean Spears.

I first encountered Britney when I was 17 years old. She came on the television, singing a song so infectious I couldn't help but sing and dance a long to it. "Baby, One More Time" became my jam. I would watch MTV non-stop hoping and wishing and praying she would grace my television screen. However, I was deeply in the closet about it. Brit-Brit didn't fit in to my collection of typical music (at the time I was heavily involved with Hole, Garbage, Smashing Pumpkins, Reel Big Fish). It was bad enough I had a secret obsession with *NSync (they were and still are my original McDreamys) that I had to keep to myself.

So, I kept these "pop tarts" to myself. I bought their albums claiming they were for my little sister (who was 15 at the time). I would walk around school with them blasting on my Disc-Man and kept them concealed in my Garbage v. 2.0 case and pretend it was Shirely Manson that was singing to my soul.

However, once the "Sometimes" video hit the airways, I couldn't contain my love for her anymore. I outted myself and declared my love for her and my boys *NSYNC. Britney was everything I wanted to be. She was flawlessly gorgeous, she could dance like no one's business, and she sang songs that spoke to my adolescent loins. She was my American Dream and I hopelessly worshiped her.

My dad bought me tickets to see her live. It was amazing. I got to take a trip down the bayou to good old New Orleans, where to my shock I was surrounded by 10 year olds to teenagers to grown ass women. Britney, I found out and much to my surprise, spoke to the masses. Seeing her belt out "I Was Born to Make You Happy," "Baby, One More Time," and "Crazy" live were the first orgasmic happenings of my youth.

As time passes, I have matured and Brit has kept pace with me. She got married Vegas style, I got married Vegas style. She went a little nuts and I, myself, got a little crazy. (Damn quarter-life crisis) As her sound transitioned from the unrequited love of our youth ("always and forever you and me, that's the way our lives should be") to the awkwardness of that between stage ("I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, all I need is time, a moment that is mine, while I'm in between"), to the fun and frivolousness of our early twenties ("baby, I'm a freak and I don't really give a damn"), to the self confidence found in latter half of our twenties ("there's more to me than what you see, you wouldn't like when I'm angry"). Britney and I have grown together and although we lead to very different lives, I get her. I dig her. I know how great she is.

A lot of people talk shit. Imagine from the age of 13, being told how to do everything. From what you drink, to what you wear, to what you eat, to what you sing about; step back for a minute and imagine almost every aspect of your life being controlled. Now take it a step further not only are you in a controlled environment you are enduring the awkwardness that we all go through in our late teens and early twenties. Top it all off with being followed non-stop by the paparazzi and almost every sanction of your public life being photographed or taped... you would go a little crazy, too. Britney Spears is one tough cookie.

Then there is the lot of you that will argue, "she chose fame, she chose this life." We all have dreamt about fame and fortune (c'mon on now). When little Brit had that twinkle in her eye at age 12, I don't think she could fathom what a wet dream she would become. What 12 year old has that great a grasp on reality? I mean look at her now. She is a pure sex machine. She doesn't lie on that new track, "all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin' to If You Seek Amy," (read between the lines). I'd give it to her if she let me; I'd gladly take Justin Timberlake's and K. Fed's sloppy seconds.

I love Britney. I do. Her music makes me shake what my mama gave me (which is plenty, thanks mom). Last night, I drove on down to Zia and bought her latest collection of amazingness entitled, "Circus," (which the kind people of Zia let me buy at 11:55 PM and they also had Candy Cane flavored Pop Rocks (double score)! Just like her previous efforts it is a good time. My only beef is that the track "Radar" appears on this album, again. It was my least favorite track on "Blackout" and I still don't fancy it. She could have at least remixed it our something.

I just bought my pre-sale tickets for my sister and me and this will be my fourth (damn ovary) and my sister's fifth time seeing Ms. Spears (cause we're nasty like that). We love us some Brit-Brit. She can do no wrong. It's just not possible. I love her: the good, the bad, and the ugly. She always has and always will be my American Dream.

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