Thursday, March 19, 2009

Passive-Aggressive Blog.

I am stealing this idea from a friend. This is a bunch of anonymous things to various people that I don't have the courage to say to their face. Figure out who "YOU" are (and I am not admitting anything).

You: I want the world for you. I see you dreaming of it all the time. You need to go out there and make it happen. You want so much and you deserve so much... I want more for you. I wish you had the confidence I have in you. I believe in you 100% and I know that you are capable of so much more than you realize. I love you for everything you are and everything you are not. You are my mini-me. No Doubt summed it up the best "so different/ yet so the same." I am lost without you. You are my every, everything and in the words of *NSync "there is no me/ without you." You are my true blue. Soon this will be imprinted on me, "I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)."

You: You are my soul mate. I love you. I wish we didn't live on opposite sides of town and we got to see each other more often. You are my favorite dance partner and you are an expert cuddler. I am thankful that we are friends. I never have to bitch about you. I just wish you weren't afraid of food.

You: I am so glad that we are friends. I look up to you in so many ways. You taught me that first impressions aren't always true and that it's okay to be a strong woman. In may ways, I admire you. You really aren't a "feelings" kind of person, but I am rooting for you. You deserve the world. I wish I had better answers for you. Thank you for listening to my craziness and not necessarily understanding it, but just being there. I really hope to be more like you in a lot of ways. I am so proud of you.

You: You are just as sensitive as I am. I am glad this last year we have gotten so much closer. I know that you mean well. You are one of the only people I support in "wanting" to have a baby and I am really excited to be there for you when the time comes! I am looking to you for moral guiding, I haven't admitted this to you, but I think you know how lost I am. You know how mushy and insecure I am inside. I am glad that you are able to see through my obnoxious exterior and peek into the real me. You are an amazing, beautiful woman. I am so proud to call you "friend."

You: Stop fucking up your life. Red flags are everywhere! You have pushed away all the people in your life who give a shit about you. Don't worry, we aren't going anywhere we will welcome you back with open arms... Someday, I hope you will learn to love yourself and realize what you are worth. You are better than that. I know you are a good person, but you are not the sharpest tool in the shed. You will get to where you need to be some day. I have full confidence in you.

You: I love how different and weird and nerdy you are. I mean that in the most sincere way. I am so glad that we are getting to know each other better. I want us to have a girl date, just the two of us. I want to pick your head a little more. You are an inspiration to me. You are happy, in love, intelligent, and a generous person. You have an inner and outer beauty to you; I think you radiate.

You: God, I wish I could get you off my mind. I think about you all the time, you are my secret obsession. I think deep down you care about me (or at least I fool myself in to thinking you do), but we don't talk about our feelings. I don't regret a single thing we did; I regret not being able to say what I want to say to you. For some reason, I need your approval. You taught me so much about myself and who I am; I am grateful for that. You are so wonderful and I meant it when I said that you just "do it" for me, you do. I really like talking to you. You are so different from anything I have ever had before, I like your flavor. You will always be my "what if" scenario; she's so lucky and I am completely jealous.

You: I think I hate you. You were a good friend when I needed one, but our relationship fell through the cracks because I let it. You use my weakness and my moments of vulnerability against me. I've seen you do it to others. You need a lesson in "nice." You can't have real friends until you learn to be one. I will always have a special place for you and am grateful for the facade you carried on for so long. You are a bitch and not in a good way.

You: I wish you gave a shit about me. I feel incredibly used by you. I have done everything I can for you because I love you and trust you. I just wish you didn't put me on the back burner. You make me feel second best. I hope you find someone good for you and who will treat you well. You deserve it, but I think deep down, you don't think you are good enough for it. You are! You so are. I know things will fall into place for you. I also think you are about to make a huge mistake.

You: Damn, I love you, but you are such a fair weather friend. I wish you weren't all talk. I wish you would use your skills to do something better for yourself. I hate that you settle. You are selling out. Stop letting people string you along. I want more for you and I know you want more for yourself, but staying with something "comfortable" is selling yourself short. I know we will always be friends. Forever and always.

You: Stop being such an idiot. Your heart is pure gold. Get your priorities straight and you will be fine. You don't need others to gratify you. You are worth it, you just need to believe it yourself. Life is a struggle and those others that have wronged you, they will get theirs in the end and we will eat cake and snicker in spiteful joy! I love that we have nothing in common, it's the appeal. You are great and I do love you.

You: I am sorry. I don't know how to say it to you. Sometimes, I suck, a lot. I really meant it when I said I wish we were better friends. I blew it.

You: You have given me everything. You mean the world to me. You are the one person I can depend on through everything. I wish you had better communication skills and didn't mind the phone so much, but you are all the good that lies in me. Thank you for you heart, I share mine with you. You are my role model. I am so thankful that you finally are at a place where you are truly happy and I hope you don't blow it. I love you with every piece of me.

You: I wish you liked me. I know you love me, but I hold so much resentment in my heart for you. You only seem to give a shit when I am in a deep crisis and then you throw me to the wolves again. We have a love-hate relationship, I have accepted that. I just wish it were different, but we are far too stubborn and far too much alike to ever live in balance. Thank you for all that you have done. I know you thought it was best at the time. I love you and am embracing the fact that I am becoming more and more like you.

You: I am not sorry. Not at all. I would do it again in a heartbeat, no hesitations. I wish you weren't so negative and so pretentious. You are so fascinating to me, you are part of my obsession, too. I doubt you will ever read this, but my god, you are a bitch. If only you knew...

You: I love you. I wish we were as close as we used to be. I loved being able to confide in you. I know we have coffee dates here and there (half of which we cancel or forget or space it), but you have proven to be such a powerful confidant. I am glad that we are branded with the same symbol. I am going to try and be a better friend to you.

You: I hate you. I cannot believe we were ever close. The secrets I have learned about you have disgusted me. I wish we weren't related. It makes me happy to know that you are suffering. Your acts have cause incredible pain to those you are supposed to love the most. You are sick. You are scum. I can't wait until the world is free of you.

You: You are my comfort, my joy. I am so glad that I stole you. You keep all of my secrets. You are full of such unconditional love. I know that you are a cat and you cannot read, but you deserve to be on this list, too. You are always right by my side as I am pouring my heart out on the computer or in my journal. My life would not be the same without you. Thank you for not pooping in my shoes. Mama loves you.

You: I miss our long emails and messages to each other. There is something so innocent and good about you. I am afraid if I showed you the real me, you'd run away. I know this is kind of corny, but you are an angel.

You: Girl, we have been through everything together. I love that we keep it real. Hurry up and get your ass back to Vegas. We have scandalous shit to get into. Thanks for being my friend, I just wish you would answer the phone when I call.

You: I love you. You have the kindest heart. I love that you pray for me. I aim to have what you have someday, well, minus the kids. I am a cat lady. Thank you for being a friend and for not being selfish. Your kindness and generosity have touched my heart.

You: You have disappointed me more than anyone else in the world. My best and worst moments are with you. You have hurt me more than anyone and I know I have hurt you. Saying I have no affect on you is pure bullshit. I see past the facade. Stop giving a shit about people who are higher up than you. Love the people who care about you. You are chasing after the wrong people. You are so empty and cold inside. I wish you had still had that fire in you like you did when we first met many moons ago. I loved you with all of me. I am glad that you are out of my life. I don't doubt myself as much anymore. I want you to be happy and someday, I want you to apologize to me like I apologized to you. That takes a real man though. Too bad you will always be a boy need others approval. Find what makes you happy.

You: I miss our friendship. I miss being drunk and getting into all sorts of trouble without getting caught. You still have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. I wish we could get back to what we once head... maybe tequila shots will get us there, once again.

You: I miss being so close to you. I miss living with you. I am so happy that you are in a good place and with a great guy. You are my favorite ninja of all the ninjas. I miss the laughter and the tears and the crappy dance moves. I am so proud of what you have done with yourself and I can't wait to see you grow even more. I really want us to be best friends again. I loved you, insanity and all and I know you loved me, ridiculousness and all.

1 comment:

Brianna Soloski said...

I think I figured out which is me, if I'm included.