For some reason or another, I really have no idea where this urge has come from, I have decided to join… the GYM. What the hell, right? It’s not that I am against exercise, I mean, it’s painful and strenuous and let’s just face it, I am a bum. I’d rather sit on the couch, watch a shitty movie, and stuff my face with some potato chips.
Lately, though I have felt the need to take out excess energy. What better place to do it than the gym. A little fitness never hurt anyone. Also, because these bastards will take money out of my account directly, I will go. My honorary Jew status doesn’t like to waste money on anything, let alone these fuckers will loop me in for two years…
What people don’t know, is that I actually know how to use this equipment. I know my way around the gym. I used to spend a lot of time in the meat market until my mom shipped me off to CROSS CREEK where diets are sabotaged and you cannot tell that your ass is getting bigger (it’s cleverly disguised in navy blue sweats). God forbid you don’t eat what you’re given; you’ll end up on “FOOD WATCH.”
Aside from all that, I just get lazy. A place I don’t know my way around is the kitchen. Saute this, what the fuck does that mean? Broil?Spatula? What foreign language are you people speaking? I have no idea how to cook. I need to take a class. I think it’s weird in college that they teach all sorts of random information, but there isn’t a single “life skills” course. Someone should have taught me to budget, to cook. Shit make it a “responsibility seminar.”Require it like they require crummy orientation (really, you need me to tour the campus, as a Psych major and a Theatre minor, I doubt I will be spending a lot of time at the Law School or the Urban Affairs offices, lame). They need a dis-orientation course (how to cope with real life without a dorm room, a meal plan, and paying back those shitty loans that have been collecting interest while you were boozing and sexing).
So, it’s not because it’s a new year I want to get my ass tot he gym and get all healthy. It’s the fact that I am 27 years old and I just know that I want to continue to feel good. I know it is a downhill slope from here, things don't get better, they start getting rundown. I remember not understanding hang overs, I would drink like a fish and bounce back the next day like it was no thang; but I am not 23 any more and it takes me a good 2 days to recover.
I also need to take my activity level, which is non-existent, to new heights and do something more constructive with my free time. Less time getting lost in books, diving into homework, and avoiding exercise with my constant I am so busy state of mind… I need to feel better and if the gym and a carrot stick are the freakin’ answer then so be it.
This isn’t about weight loss either. I’ve always been a chunky monkey. I don’t even want to lose weight really, I just want to be healthy and feel more energized, be healthy. I don’t know what it is that is kicking my ass in the right direction, but I am going with it. All my friends are doing it, so I might as well join the bandwagon. Plus it is one more excuse I can give to no thang out with people. Twice as much I need a new obsession, my mind is going crazy. I also have a freakin’ iPod shuffle, it’s like destiny. I belong there…I cannot wait to scope out all of the beefcakes and jiggle in front of them in my booty shorts.
This will definitely be an adventure and welcome change to my life. Let’s get sweatin’, baby!
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