When I was younger I believed in God. I prayed, I repented, I read my Bible, I sang the songs, I went to Church, I splashed the Holy water on my face, I accepted communion. I was a good little Christian until I entered college and enrolled in a (mandatory) philosophy course, which caused a lot of confusion and a lot of heartache for me. It made me question my life, my beliefs, my reasoning. Our final exam question was, "Using all the tools, methods, and reasoning discussed in this course prove or disprove God's existence." (WHAT THE FUCK?)
Over the weekend I got my haircut (stay with me I am really going somewhere and this will all tie in, I promise) by my friend Brittany who is amazing and if you need your hair did, let me know, and I will let her know.
Anyway, she is in her first year of college at UNLV and was asking about taking courses and what to take and so forth. Brittany is an awesome person and has strong religious beliefs, which I admire and respect. Instantly, I was brought back to my philosophy class. Little (not-so-little), bright-eyed, naive Jessica came rushing back to me. I told her to avoid that class like the plague and I meant it; that class had such a profound effect on my life that I don't even fully comprehend it.
I thought about this particular conversation all weekend long, it lasted about 5 minutes and was quite pleasant. God, who was such a huge part of my life, now has no relevance to me. I have no relationship with any higher power for that matter. I don't feel as if religion is bad, or dumb, or stupid, or for the weak minded. There is a part of me that misses giving things up to a Higher Power (Let Go and Let God). It just doesn't work for me and it doesn't fit in to my life. It pains me (19 year old Jessica who is still in me) to say that, but I try to live with a certain amount of integrity.
I don't mind church. I still go to Midnight Mass every year and weep. I remember how good God made me feel. Maybe I am moved because I am surrounded by people who BELIEVE IN SOMETHING (some people are there out of obligation, you can tell). I don't know why, but it moves me. I also go to church when my dad is in town twice a year, cause he most certainly loves the G-O-D and I hate discussing my beliefs with him.
I don't know if this is going to sound far-fetched, but it's as if I have become too practical for God and religion. I used to love thinking that there was someone listening to me and that my thoughts were heard and that God only tested me and my abilities, which is why I am such a strong person, but I've been around long enough to know that nothing doesn't come from nothing. If you want something, you have to go out there and get it. You make things happen. God and religion cause so much chaos in the world (the Middle East - point in case). There is no reason in arguing belief, you can't. It's an intangible.
I won't be so naive to say that there is no such thing as God or a Higher Power. The question said "PROVE OR DISPROVE." My answer to this question, which took me a good 20 minutes to come up with my one sentence response, became a pivotal part of my life. While my classmates scribbled away endlessly, I sat there going over things in my head. In the course of the class people were either strongly for God or they were against God; I was on the fence. I was confused, my religious foundation was being cracked wide open and my practical-logical side was taking over, and ultimately won.
How I answered this question was, "You cannot prove nor disprove the existence of God." I got an A. I wish I would have added on more to my response... something to the effect of, how do you measure faith? You can't, it's intangible, it's a feeling... You can argue that it is logically possible, but you can also argue a flying toaster and a duck performing brain surgery are logically possible, too.
I identify myself as agnostic; the only thing I am sure of when it comes to God and Religion is that I am not sure. I don't think there are ANY religions that are wrong. There are extremist that take things too far, but that goes for anything.
In the words of Courtney Love "I don't really miss God, but I sure miss Santa Clause." It's true, Santa delivered the goods, but then again, neither God nor Santa delivered the Easy-Bake oven. Perhaps they are in cahoots, or better yet, maybe I didn't mention wanting one to my parentals. Moral of the story: be cover sure to cover all your bases, bottom line.
Over the weekend I got my haircut (stay with me I am really going somewhere and this will all tie in, I promise) by my friend Brittany who is amazing and if you need your hair did, let me know, and I will let her know.
Anyway, she is in her first year of college at UNLV and was asking about taking courses and what to take and so forth. Brittany is an awesome person and has strong religious beliefs, which I admire and respect. Instantly, I was brought back to my philosophy class. Little (not-so-little), bright-eyed, naive Jessica came rushing back to me. I told her to avoid that class like the plague and I meant it; that class had such a profound effect on my life that I don't even fully comprehend it.
I thought about this particular conversation all weekend long, it lasted about 5 minutes and was quite pleasant. God, who was such a huge part of my life, now has no relevance to me. I have no relationship with any higher power for that matter. I don't feel as if religion is bad, or dumb, or stupid, or for the weak minded. There is a part of me that misses giving things up to a Higher Power (Let Go and Let God). It just doesn't work for me and it doesn't fit in to my life. It pains me (19 year old Jessica who is still in me) to say that, but I try to live with a certain amount of integrity.
I don't mind church. I still go to Midnight Mass every year and weep. I remember how good God made me feel. Maybe I am moved because I am surrounded by people who BELIEVE IN SOMETHING (some people are there out of obligation, you can tell). I don't know why, but it moves me. I also go to church when my dad is in town twice a year, cause he most certainly loves the G-O-D and I hate discussing my beliefs with him.
I don't know if this is going to sound far-fetched, but it's as if I have become too practical for God and religion. I used to love thinking that there was someone listening to me and that my thoughts were heard and that God only tested me and my abilities, which is why I am such a strong person, but I've been around long enough to know that nothing doesn't come from nothing. If you want something, you have to go out there and get it. You make things happen. God and religion cause so much chaos in the world (the Middle East - point in case). There is no reason in arguing belief, you can't. It's an intangible.
I won't be so naive to say that there is no such thing as God or a Higher Power. The question said "PROVE OR DISPROVE." My answer to this question, which took me a good 20 minutes to come up with my one sentence response, became a pivotal part of my life. While my classmates scribbled away endlessly, I sat there going over things in my head. In the course of the class people were either strongly for God or they were against God; I was on the fence. I was confused, my religious foundation was being cracked wide open and my practical-logical side was taking over, and ultimately won.
How I answered this question was, "You cannot prove nor disprove the existence of God." I got an A. I wish I would have added on more to my response... something to the effect of, how do you measure faith? You can't, it's intangible, it's a feeling... You can argue that it is logically possible, but you can also argue a flying toaster and a duck performing brain surgery are logically possible, too.
I identify myself as agnostic; the only thing I am sure of when it comes to God and Religion is that I am not sure. I don't think there are ANY religions that are wrong. There are extremist that take things too far, but that goes for anything.
In the words of Courtney Love "I don't really miss God, but I sure miss Santa Clause." It's true, Santa delivered the goods, but then again, neither God nor Santa delivered the Easy-Bake oven. Perhaps they are in cahoots, or better yet, maybe I didn't mention wanting one to my parentals. Moral of the story: be cover sure to cover all your bases, bottom line.
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