Cuddly Wuddly.

Legally, I am married.
Technically, I am single.

Today is one of those days in which I hate being single. I am in a ridiculously cuddly mood and as of right now (as the wee hours start to creep up on me), my cat is just not cutting it. I need a warm buddy to play with my hair, rub my back, and let me kiss the tip of their nose.

I am all alone in my house and it just feels so empty and a little too quiet for my liking.

I don't know what urked me about my single-dom. It could be that being out with my dad and his girlfriend, we were a party of three. I am the odd man out. Or at one point, while my dad and his girlfriend were strolling along at Town Square they joined hands. I know it's tacky and mushy, but I miss those cute little gestures. I am a huge mush-mush. Man, I am making myself all gooey inside. I know this will pass in a day or so, but shit, as of right now, I miss having a "boyfriend." I miss guys. I miss throwing myself into relationships and getting swept off my feet, of getting to know someone, figuring out what makes that person tick. I miss lame text messages that say stupid things, I miss getting orgasms from someone, I miss getting butterflies when someone calls, I miss couple-dom. I miss considering someone else's thoughts and opinions and planning for special, pivotal dating milestones. I miss being a part of something.

Okay, yes... I will be over this in a few days. I will be put back in perspective once I really think about the not-so-great things about being in a pair. The lies. The bull shit. I have just avoided any sort of real relationship and any sense of real commitment for quite sometime. I am brought back to reality when I think of the girl who's boyfriend has been sleeping with her friend for almost a year and she is clueless. Or about the girl who think she is happily married, but her husband has been cheating on her sporadically for months, or the girl who gets hit, but isn't brave enough to get out, or the girl who has to deal with the emotional immaturity and the yo-yo act... Just writing makes me feel better. I don't have to be consumed with doubt or guilt. I didn't settle. But man, I want someone to cuddle me in bed in the worst way. I wanna fall back in love and get consumed so much that I can hardly sleep at night... maybe I am ready... finally.

Who knows? I just know that for the most part I can call my husband, tell him, "I got some," and he would high-five me when I get home, then we'd snuggle and fall asleep while watching The Simpsons. So, until I find my next potential "Prince Charming," I will happily let Deanzo curl up on my side and purr most satisfactory.