Today, was a day that despite my best efforts, I could not crawl out of bed... so I didn't. I claimed a case of "bad food" and being up and down all night as to why I didn't make it in...
I slept all day long. I finally crawled out of bed at 2:30ish and it felt good to sleep my life away for once, instead of being on the go. Here it is 4:33 and I haven't made any attempt to make myself look like a presentable human being. I need to shower. I need to eat something. I need fresh air. I need to feed my cats. I am even listening to the most pathetic music ever. I will just come out with it, I am sad.
It seems that things have been sitting on the stove in a pot of water, slowly, but surely they are starting to boil and I feel they are at the point where they may boil over. School is almost done. My resume is being sent a million places. What to do with a certain someone needs to be faced. The economy is not getting any better, yet. I have no idea what to do next.
School ending makes me overjoyed and nervous all at once. What am I going to do with all this new allotted free time? We all know that when I have a little too much time to myself I get into trouble.
I think I am more scared than anything because almost all my life I have done these things that I feel will put the pieces together and allow me to reach a certain outcome. Go to school, get this degree, get this career,find the perfect mate, get married, have kids, live happily ever after. It seems like it would be that simple, but the human brain is never calculated into these situations. The mind is a funny, complicated thing. Right now my brain is making me a Debbie Downer. I hate being sad, especially because I am normally such a happy-go-lucky person. My mind is tricking me with "what if" and "maybe someday..."I am better than this. I will rise again, but right now I am allowing myself to feel this way. These feelings let me know that it was real, at least for me. I am human and life isn't always a perfect, little cupcake no matter how much I want it to be.
But the sun will continue to shine, Vegas will get hotter, and school will finish and I will wind up exactly where I need to be.
1 comment:
Thank you! That's exactly how I feel right now.
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