I can't get no, satisfaction!

I never know what I want (besides having fun, I am a girl after all and that song speaks to my heart)!

I am indecisive and it takes me forever to pick something out, to make a decision. I start getting anxious when I am out to eat, per se, and I have an immediate decision to make. I don't like being put on the spot and nine times out of ten, I regret my decision.

I think this stems from my inability to settle (on anything or anyone). I am always looking for something newer, shinier, more fun... improved! I am essentially the epitome of the Rolling Stones' song, "Satisfaction." I am never satisfied. I always want more and it ultimately leads me to be disappointed, over and over again. I build things up to be a certain way in my mind and when the don't pan out exactly how I want them to, I get bummed (really bummed). We all do this to some extent, but I over do it. I have a wild mind and it takes one idea, then it tosses it around in a million different directions. I'm a very much a neurotic.

The older I get, the more I realize that I am no closer to knowing what I want. There are too many options, too many directions and it scares me that life forces me to choose. Choose a mate. Choose a career. Choose a place to live. Choose who to bank with. Choose a car. Choose what to buy. Choose what to wear. Choose a political party. Aghh, sometimes I wish things were just decided for me because I am a roll with the punches kind of girl. It may also be that when someone else does the choosing for me, when things don't turn out "acceptable" for me, I can point the finger of blame at someone else. (God, I hate whiny, victimy women - I am not better no worse. I guess it's a self-reflected annoyance.)

I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I never want to grow up and I hate being responsible, even though I am. It's humbling and disgusting. I am conforming. Here I am on the brink of having my MBA and all I am doing is second guessing whether I made the right choice with that degree choice.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. Wash, rinse, repeat.