Something about Jessica

Randomness. It's my life.

I don't know if this a gripe or if this is flattering, but, whenever I am out and about, random strangers will stop and stare at me or they will engage in a full blown conversation (or sometimes attempt to).

This happens everywhere. I will be out to breakfast with my girlfriends and some random family will start chatting me the effe up. Let's be honest, I like to shoot the shit and most times, I don't mind the distraction, usually.

Last night was one of the especially rare instances of this whole "something about Jessica" phenomenon. My girlfriend and I were waiting to get my car (note: LARGE and IN-CHARGE MARGE) from valet. My friend and I were talking and first these gay dudes came up to me, one grab my hand, told me I was pretty and I had big boobs. Nice, classy, they are my brethren (see also: Why I Am A Gay Man), it made me smile and laugh. Here is where it gets a little strange. Then this dude walks past me, then turns around, stops and stares. He proceeded to do this 3 times. What the hell? Being the little minx that I am (and my shitty, who gives a damn attitude), I politely ask him, "WHAT?!" He proceeds to tell me, you are so pretty. LAME. Tell me something I don't know. I kind of roll my eyes at him. (This is Vegas. Men and the like are a whole other ball game.)

Usually, when I am waiting in line or even just at a bookstore, people will initiate conversation. I will be at a bookstore or the library (typically quiet, noon-speaking places) and some stranger will try to get all chatty with me... and it is usually about the most random shit, too. (Where's good to eat around here, what conditioner do you use, OMG, your nails are hot, hot. LAME shit like that.)

One time, this lady started yakking to me about UNLV and my sweatshirt. She says something to the effect of, "green and pink, doesn't UNLV have different colors?" This is one of the people that approach me and I get instantly snooty and think, how dare you think you can talk to me. I gave her my BS response, but she kept going and going, then brought her husband over to shoot the breeze. REALLY? You just ate, don't you want to get the hell out of the crowded EGG and I on a Saturday morning?! I am with 6ish of my girlfriends, leave me alone or I will start talking about COLORING (sex) in front of your children!

Every time I have an instance like this, I ask my friends (whomever I happen to be with), what the hell? They respond, you just look like a nice girl. When I hear the term "nice girl," I immediately think of words like frumpy and homely. This first of which that I am occasionally guilty of (who isn't?), the latter of the two, not so much (I am fuckin' hot, duh).

I've chalked up this whole "Wow, I really feel the urge to talk to this girl and tell her my life story, hocus pocus, voodoo" nonsense to being just that. There is something about me that attracts the masses. A Jessica Magnetism of sorts that leaves me irresistible and apparently appreciative of people's random bullshit.

Moral of the story: It's hard out there for us pretty bitches.