Holy Boobies!

Okay, so... I am a pervert. Anyone who knows me, stalks me online, or who has spent 5 minutes with me in a casual environment will know this. I am avid fan of boobs (Go Boobs!). I just like to look at them, they fascinate me, everyone's are so different... I know, I'm a weird-o, and it just adds to my gay man persona (gay men love boobs-it's a fact).

Anyway, I got caught off guard today in the ladies room at Target. (On a side note: what the hell is it with Target that after roaming the store for an hour, I have an overwhelming urge to pee and I have to venture to use a public restroom. I kind of love the intense gotta-go feeling because once you get to piddle, it feels great (almost orgasmic).) Falling victim to my reoccurring "Target curse," I had to hall ass to ladies (Clueless reference).

Whenever I use a public restroom (besides in a nice Casino), I try to make my time in the restroom as brief as possible. Target bathrooms freak me out with all the stainless steal, you see smudges and finger/hand/ foot prints... GAG ME, BLAH!

So, I get to the PIDDLE-UTORIM and I take an almost orgasmic tinkle, flush the toilet with my foot and exit the stall... Then wablam! Right in my face is a pair of middle-aged knockers! The lady must have seen the shock on my face (because I was completely shocked) and she immediately said, "Oh! I am so, so sorry." I told her, "Don't worry about it, there are a lot more offensive things in the world than a pair of boobs, which are a natural thing." She just laughed and continued talking to me while I washed my hands and in the process elongated my time in the restroom.

It was so flippin' bizarre. I have had to make costume changes when I am out and about, but always go into the handicapped stall. I kept thinking what would happen if a Mom walked in with her, 6 year old son...

To the lady at Target, was that necessary? Really? Was it? I mean as amused as I was at the situation (fuck, I am writing about it, aren't I?), what I really wish I would have said to her was... What the fuck are you thinking? Why did you feel the need to take of your bra, too? And even more peculiar, Why are you changing right in front of the bathroom door? It's like she wanted to give me (and whoever else happened upon that bathroom) a peep show!

Lesson learned today: I have to be in the mood for boobs. I cannot have them just randomly in my face. I need to brace myself.

Good grief bathroom streaker bandit; I hope we (she and I) meet again. And ladies, when you are in a public restroom, keep your mammary glands to yourself.