All my life, as far back as I can remember, I have always felt out of place. Like I don't belong where I am. As I get older, I still feel like the odd man out. I participate in life, I have friends that I love, and I there are things that make me happy, but I still feel awkward, like I don't belong.
I am not tied down to anyone or anything. All I want to do is run far, far away. I want out of my skin, I want out of my body. I want to start over. I want a new life. I want to be so much more than I am. More than I have ever dreamed of becoming.
I hate going out in town and running into people I know. I just want to be. I want to blend in with the masses instead of being a sideshow freak. I always feel like I am a musical monkey here for everyone else's entertainment.
Maybe I haven't defined myself well enough for me. Maybe defining myself is impossible. Maybe, I will always be restless and not content. I know that whatever this is that I am in now, isn't working. I'm far too idle and I am losing my mind.
All I want to do is cry, smash things, and scream. I don't know what I am doing or where I am going. It's scary. Who am I? How does this all exist? How do I change this? Where do I go from here? Where is my happy? When will I find what I am looking for? When will I fit? Where do I belong?
2 comments:
in my own opinion you have to love your self first.need to have a confident to face life.....
Well at least you've started writing things down because that's the best way to get your feelings out. Or at least it is in my case.
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