Hey, I haven't written in forever for 2-3 reasons.
ONE. School is a biotch for the next 6 weeks, then I am free! No more school until I decide to get another Master's and plunge myself further into scholastic debt. Don't worry, I have a plan though. I am going to go Anna Nicole style. Minus the drugs and the annoying voice. TRIM SPA BABY version 2.0, bank on that.
TWO. Lack of internet still exist at my house. The clowns down the street (no joke, SANDOU the CLOWN is two doors down) don't have their internet secured. So bless them and see their show, so that I may continue (for the time being) to steal their internet.
THREE. I have a bunch of material and about 3 or 4 blogs started. Some of which are very personal and I am not quite sure I want to share them with the whole world. So, we will wait and see.
Trust me! I am still writing. I miss it. Right now, my time is just consumed with work, school, the gym, and my friends. I am getting my life straight. One step at a time.
Hope all of you are doing well. Kisses and hugs!
Jessica
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
My Circle.
I just realized, I never really write about what is going on in my head. My inner turmoil. My weirdness. My own personal craziness.
The reasons why, this is a public blog and anyone can access it. Also, I have my own insecurities and secrets that I chose to keep. Lastly, because I don't think that's what the purpose of my blogging is. I think my purpose is to share the nonsense of my life. The extraordinary things, not the inner workings of my madness. Twice as much, I like to make people laugh and feel good. I never want to make people sad or feel like shit; it's just not my style.
I also think that my inner thoughts and my feelings are personal, really personal. And not meant to be shared with the world. I really am reluctant to share a lot of me with a lot of people. As much as I am personable and as much as I love people and I appreciate them and their life experiences, I am not one that is too apt to share my life stories.
This stems from me opening up to people and getting burned by them pretty badly. When I share what is going on in my head and my heart, it makes me feel instantly closer to you. I've let down my wall and let you see a real piece of me. The Jessica that isn't all glittery-goodness and crass, but the deep thinker, the Jessica that really matters. I don't like feeling too close to people I don't fully trust. Most of you will know when this happens, you'll say something to the effect of, "this is a side of Jessica I have never seen before" or you will at least think that sentiment.
Yes, I am someone who knows a lot people, but I don't trust every person fully. There are people that I trust and even fewer people I don't have to tone-down myself down with. People are so judgmental. The worst thing in the world is to bear your soul to someone to have them put you down for it, run their mouths about it, or use it against you in the future. All of which, I have experienced firsthand, as have most people. I am a fairly open person, most things in life are taken way too seriously.
Please note that if you have seen the meltdowns, you know my fears, you have seen me cry (at something other than the news or movies), if I call you, if I text you for no apparent reason, if I ask for your advice, if I try to set time for us to get together, know that you are golden or at least on your way there.
The reasons why, this is a public blog and anyone can access it. Also, I have my own insecurities and secrets that I chose to keep. Lastly, because I don't think that's what the purpose of my blogging is. I think my purpose is to share the nonsense of my life. The extraordinary things, not the inner workings of my madness. Twice as much, I like to make people laugh and feel good. I never want to make people sad or feel like shit; it's just not my style.
I also think that my inner thoughts and my feelings are personal, really personal. And not meant to be shared with the world. I really am reluctant to share a lot of me with a lot of people. As much as I am personable and as much as I love people and I appreciate them and their life experiences, I am not one that is too apt to share my life stories.
This stems from me opening up to people and getting burned by them pretty badly. When I share what is going on in my head and my heart, it makes me feel instantly closer to you. I've let down my wall and let you see a real piece of me. The Jessica that isn't all glittery-goodness and crass, but the deep thinker, the Jessica that really matters. I don't like feeling too close to people I don't fully trust. Most of you will know when this happens, you'll say something to the effect of, "this is a side of Jessica I have never seen before" or you will at least think that sentiment.
Yes, I am someone who knows a lot people, but I don't trust every person fully. There are people that I trust and even fewer people I don't have to tone-down myself down with. People are so judgmental. The worst thing in the world is to bear your soul to someone to have them put you down for it, run their mouths about it, or use it against you in the future. All of which, I have experienced firsthand, as have most people. I am a fairly open person, most things in life are taken way too seriously.
Please note that if you have seen the meltdowns, you know my fears, you have seen me cry (at something other than the news or movies), if I call you, if I text you for no apparent reason, if I ask for your advice, if I try to set time for us to get together, know that you are golden or at least on your way there.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Something about Jessica
Randomness. It's my life.
I don't know if this a gripe or if this is flattering, but, whenever I am out and about, random strangers will stop and stare at me or they will engage in a full blown conversation (or sometimes attempt to).
This happens everywhere. I will be out to breakfast with my girlfriends and some random family will start chatting me the effe up. Let's be honest, I like to shoot the shit and most times, I don't mind the distraction, usually.
Last night was one of the especially rare instances of this whole "something about Jessica" phenomenon. My girlfriend and I were waiting to get my car (note: LARGE and IN-CHARGE MARGE) from valet. My friend and I were talking and first these gay dudes came up to me, one grab my hand, told me I was pretty and I had big boobs. Nice, classy, they are my brethren (see also: Why I Am A Gay Man), it made me smile and laugh. Here is where it gets a little strange. Then this dude walks past me, then turns around, stops and stares. He proceeded to do this 3 times. What the hell? Being the little minx that I am (and my shitty, who gives a damn attitude), I politely ask him, "WHAT?!" He proceeds to tell me, you are so pretty. LAME. Tell me something I don't know. I kind of roll my eyes at him. (This is Vegas. Men and the like are a whole other ball game.)
Usually, when I am waiting in line or even just at a bookstore, people will initiate conversation. I will be at a bookstore or the library (typically quiet, noon-speaking places) and some stranger will try to get all chatty with me... and it is usually about the most random shit, too. (Where's good to eat around here, what conditioner do you use, OMG, your nails are hot, hot. LAME shit like that.)
One time, this lady started yakking to me about UNLV and my sweatshirt. She says something to the effect of, "green and pink, doesn't UNLV have different colors?" This is one of the people that approach me and I get instantly snooty and think, how dare you think you can talk to me. I gave her my BS response, but she kept going and going, then brought her husband over to shoot the breeze. REALLY? You just ate, don't you want to get the hell out of the crowded EGG and I on a Saturday morning?! I am with 6ish of my girlfriends, leave me alone or I will start talking about COLORING (sex) in front of your children!
Every time I have an instance like this, I ask my friends (whomever I happen to be with), what the hell? They respond, you just look like a nice girl. When I hear the term "nice girl," I immediately think of words like frumpy and homely. This first of which that I am occasionally guilty of (who isn't?), the latter of the two, not so much (I am fuckin' hot, duh).
I've chalked up this whole "Wow, I really feel the urge to talk to this girl and tell her my life story, hocus pocus, voodoo" nonsense to being just that. There is something about me that attracts the masses. A Jessica Magnetism of sorts that leaves me irresistible and apparently appreciative of people's random bullshit.
Moral of the story: It's hard out there for us pretty bitches.
I don't know if this a gripe or if this is flattering, but, whenever I am out and about, random strangers will stop and stare at me or they will engage in a full blown conversation (or sometimes attempt to).
This happens everywhere. I will be out to breakfast with my girlfriends and some random family will start chatting me the effe up. Let's be honest, I like to shoot the shit and most times, I don't mind the distraction, usually.
Last night was one of the especially rare instances of this whole "something about Jessica" phenomenon. My girlfriend and I were waiting to get my car (note: LARGE and IN-CHARGE MARGE) from valet. My friend and I were talking and first these gay dudes came up to me, one grab my hand, told me I was pretty and I had big boobs. Nice, classy, they are my brethren (see also: Why I Am A Gay Man), it made me smile and laugh. Here is where it gets a little strange. Then this dude walks past me, then turns around, stops and stares. He proceeded to do this 3 times. What the hell? Being the little minx that I am (and my shitty, who gives a damn attitude), I politely ask him, "WHAT?!" He proceeds to tell me, you are so pretty. LAME. Tell me something I don't know. I kind of roll my eyes at him. (This is Vegas. Men and the like are a whole other ball game.)
Usually, when I am waiting in line or even just at a bookstore, people will initiate conversation. I will be at a bookstore or the library (typically quiet, noon-speaking places) and some stranger will try to get all chatty with me... and it is usually about the most random shit, too. (Where's good to eat around here, what conditioner do you use, OMG, your nails are hot, hot. LAME shit like that.)
One time, this lady started yakking to me about UNLV and my sweatshirt. She says something to the effect of, "green and pink, doesn't UNLV have different colors?" This is one of the people that approach me and I get instantly snooty and think, how dare you think you can talk to me. I gave her my BS response, but she kept going and going, then brought her husband over to shoot the breeze. REALLY? You just ate, don't you want to get the hell out of the crowded EGG and I on a Saturday morning?! I am with 6ish of my girlfriends, leave me alone or I will start talking about COLORING (sex) in front of your children!
Every time I have an instance like this, I ask my friends (whomever I happen to be with), what the hell? They respond, you just look like a nice girl. When I hear the term "nice girl," I immediately think of words like frumpy and homely. This first of which that I am occasionally guilty of (who isn't?), the latter of the two, not so much (I am fuckin' hot, duh).
I've chalked up this whole "Wow, I really feel the urge to talk to this girl and tell her my life story, hocus pocus, voodoo" nonsense to being just that. There is something about me that attracts the masses. A Jessica Magnetism of sorts that leaves me irresistible and apparently appreciative of people's random bullshit.
Moral of the story: It's hard out there for us pretty bitches.
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