it's over

the year, i mean.

it's life so of course it has been full of challenges and difficuties.

there are a few things i have learnt.

1. i'm a good person and i'm NOT crazy.

2. i don't need certain people to make me happy nor whole. i already am those things. so good bye to you.

3. i know what i am going to do with my life. i'm going to teach english to high school kids. i get to go to prom for the rest of my life. HOW SWEET IS THAT?

4. i am independent. yes, jessica irene mullen is saying that.

5. i am a college graduate.

6. i didn't lose any organs.

7. life will change constantly. dive in and keep up with the flow.

8. your sister is your best friend at the end of the day. SO CO is a close second.

9. eat more cake. in your friends' car. all you need are some sporks.

10. jones holiday soda's are funky.

11. the *NSYNC Christmas album is impossible to buy.

12. there are people that will come and go in your life and come and go again and again and again. Maybe it's the universe's way of saying this isn't supposed to work. Who knows?! i'm not stressing about it anymore.

13. my roommate only likes me when i am drunk.

14. britney spears and paris hilton should never hang out. EVER.

15. i make the sweetest lattes ever.

16. i have had a lot of my closest friends move away. and we are all still tight. you are the ones i truly miss most of all.

17. most importatly, i've learnt to stand up for myself. i'm not taking anyone's bull anymore.

18. Last but not least:

save the drama for yo' mama.

&&&

business, get some.

Okay, I ramble. Those of you who "SPEAK JESSICA" understand.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

All I have to say to 2 double 0 7 is BRING IT ON!

take care of yourself. muah.

life isn't fair.

life isn't fair.

it just isn't.

when is all "we put out" gonna come back?!

karma is shit.

it really is.

sometimes we give and we give and we give and it still isn't good enough.

i try and i try and i do and i do...
and nothing.

i hate love.

i hate feelings.

they are a waste of time and energy.

all we do is get hurt in the long run.

fuck it all.

really.

just fuck it.

People, why?!

People, why?!

why are there so many lame ass people.

i mean, why are people so shallow.

why do people feel the need to lie?

it's just so fuckin' bad. & wrong. & hurtful.

why are we all afraid to speak our minds?

what are we so afraid of?

that people will think we are weird; crazy?!

i don't get it.

i don't get why people are so insecure.

why they can't just be.

it's a sick sad world we live in.

where everyone is so quick to judge someone.

i wish everyone was blind.

blind to race, sex, religion, stereotypes, age, & etc.

i admit i do these things too.

i judge.

i make smart ass remarks, but why?!

they server no greater purpose and all it does is hurt.

makes me feel guilty.

it's not right.

at all,

by any means.

it just seems the world needs a fuckin' slap across the face.

i've made my mistakes.

i've hurt people.

that, is what i am most sorry for.

i wish sometimes i could undo the things i've done, but i can't.

you can't live in the past.

i strive to make myself a better person everyday.

i am a great friend, a good mama to my kittens, and a fabulous sister.

i've been through my fair share of "shit."

and that's what everything boils down to, "SHIT."

i dunno if this made any sense, but i've just got "shit" on my brain.

dear joel

i just wanna run away...

from this town

from the ghost of you

from the memories that haunt my nights

i just wanna run away

to find myself

to start all over agian

to have you next to me

can't we pretend this never happened

and pick up the pieces and start where we left off

you've left me all alone

all by myself

and i had to grow

and so i did

into something strong and true

but somehow i can't leave you behind and i don't think i want to.

Sometimes I think, A LOT.

It's a new year. Thank God. I am so over 2005. It was a year in which I learned a lot about this glorious thing called life. I made some amazing friends that I love to bits and pieces. Anyway the thing is, last year was a struggle. I had never been so miserable or so happy in my life. It was a roller coaster ride. A very necessary one. I needed to grow up and I think I did. I hope I will always be a kid at heart. I never want to be too serious, or to stop dreaming, or be dull. I just think I give too much of myslef to the wrong people. Sometimes I think I like people way more than they like me. Sometimes I feel I am really annoying. Sometimes I feel like I am a lot smarter than the people around me. Sometimes I feel like I am a straight up bitch. I dunno, like is so confusing. I feel so lost. What am I gonna do with my life? I wish I was still 10 and my parentals made all of my important decisions for me. Innocence really is wasted on youth. I totally sound like I need midol or prozac. This shit was on my mind just thought I'd leak out the verbal diarrhea.